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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?